You Are Doing It Right.

I'm not a very social person in my physical surroundings and I excuse that by saying I invest that time in spending it with my kids because I always look forward to either lazing around with or doing things with them. I didn't think they took note of this until my son's recent comments. He's twelve and an introvert so you can imagine that every word counts. Last Saturday in his book review he mentioned that he enjoyed reading detective themes because its such programs he always watches with his mom. He's right, we even schedule them so we can remember. I can't tell you how many reruns of Diagnosis Murder we've been through in his lifetime. I realise now that, those times mean more just than tv, they are our time together, just me and him. And it made me think of all the things I do with him, without his sisters, mainly during the holidays because they are still at kindergarden even then. Something good happens to him emotionally during those times. Even if at times we do cover topics which embarass him - like sex. The other day he came home so concerned because they were shown pictures at life orientation class that were sexual. after our chat he declared he wouldn't have sex until he was thirty, I said i'll remind of that when he's 16 and I have to tie him to his bed to keep him from sneaking out the house.......I do wonder how he'll turn out, as an adult.

Then two days ago he came to my room while I was reading and said: "mommy, u know I know that everyone thinks their mom is the best but you are not only the best and but more important you the coolest mom." This immediately brought back a memory if him when he was four looking up at me and telling me: "Mommy,  you a cool woman." That audacious remark was prompted by my big dark sunglasses and a tomboy cap. Eight years later he says the same thing more tactfully but this time with deeper meaning. I asked why he says so and he explained: "there are a lots of things u do with us for fun that other moms don't do and you help me with school." I know he meant his friend's mom's in this generalization, so they must be comparing notes. I am so pleased he thinks I am doing well by him because I ask myself so many times: what the hell am I doing?

One of my bestfriends always tells me what a great mom I am because I'm always looking for things to do with my kids.
I do confess that I'm always concerned about keeping them involved, I worry about having technology as a babysitter. I even worry that my very African husband is not communicating adequately with them (not always present with all his being). But I know he's doing much better than most even though its not necessarily up my my high expectations. He certainly is doing much better than his own paternal background and some of his contemporaries. Generally tigers' don't talk to or cry with each other on this continent.
Parenting is a trail and error business and its mostly the results that will tell you whether you got it right or wrong. But you know, I guesse along the way its nice to hear from the horses mouth that you're doing some things right.
So mom, if you are doing your damndest by them but the horse hasn't spoken yet, take my word for it.
YOU...... are doing it right.