Set them Up For Success Not Failure

I thought I’d share something about work today.

I remember that one of my New Year resolutions was to start working again? 

I can officially say that this resolution has a solid tick next to it now. Yipeee!

Every second Friday for eight weeks I pay a 5 hour visit to one of my clients (a world renowned chocolate maker ). During these visits I facilitate (or rather guide) an *RPL  session for 19 staff members who work the production line. I’m taking these learners through a Food and Beverage qualification which the client has initiated as part of their staff skills development plan.

I’m talking about them today because there is a certain lady in my class (Phumla) whose resilience amazes me. She’s was born somewhere in the fifties and has never had formal schooling. Any writing and reading skills she has are the result of self teaching. I watch her every Friday struggle through the sessions and I find this both heartbreaking and motivating. It breaks my heart that she has been put in a program without someone really assessing her learning needs. An immediate remedy would be to assign a mentor to help her through the program but despite my many requests none is forthcoming. I don’t think the coordinators appreciate how easy is it to extinguish that little flame of hope and desire some people have for learning if they have been out of school for a long time. Most become disheartened when they realize how much commitment goes into acquiring a new disciple (i.e. learning to learn). 

This is where I wish learning in the workplace was more about the people and less about the bottom line. As good as idea as it is, the reality is that most companies are just putting people through training for the tax  incentive.

Source

All that being said, I have never met someone that possesses more determination or fighting spirit as does Phumla. Away from our contact sessions, she finds it impossible to read and interpret the amount of content she has to cover. Yet every week she pitches up having resourcefully found her way through significant amounts of it (despite the fact that most is copied word for word from her learning material or additional resources). 

I’m afraid at the end she will not make it through the programme, not because she didn’t put everything she has in her work but because the system has failed her. Whatever diagnostic assessment was done that resulted in her attending this class had it wrong…..and sadly, the wheels of bureaucracy turn far too slowly to help this one diligent student. 

Why do we set people up for failure? This is the one time where truly one can see that in our good intentions we can do more harm than good.

I hope when the time comes I will be fit for the job in that I help her recognize the nuggets she has acquired by attending the program and put them to further use. Phumla is definite proof that learning is a lifelong and continuous process and we who are in the field have a responsibility. Our responsibility is to nurture the desire to grow and learn when we see it because for the Phumla’s of this world, this is a lifeline in a long barren stretch of road.

*RPL (Recognition of Prior Learning). This is basically a learning program where you are assessed based on previous work experience in order to formalize it into a qualification.

Elaine Talks Addiction

My friend Elaine Harman, owner of the revolutionary Time Clinic, wrote this article so long ago I'm ashame to mention when that was. I've finally gotten around to publishing it and even though it was written a while ago, I believe this topic has no sell by date. It will be relevant as long as there are human beings walking the earth. So hear I hand over to Elaine.

**********************************************

Addiction - something we really need to get our heads around

I’m going to take a controversial stand here and say that I really do believe that addiction is a disease.  Why controversial you may ask? Even despite the growing amount of psychological and biological evidence that suggests this is so?

Well, the truth is, it is often addicts themselves that choose not to refer to their affliction as a disease as they feel it is disempowering. As a non-addict myself, who has chosen to study the field of addictions counselling, the profound differences between an addicted brain and one that is not have really made me question, “Is this not a disease?”, and though I deeply respect many addicts’ choice to reject the label of an official diagnosis, I often wonder if it would not it easier and assist in remove damaging stigmas if we accepted that addiction is a condition? A condition to view in the same light as diabetes or bipolar, as examples?  

Perhaps the timing is wrong, and we need more a little more science to light our paths.  In the meanwhile, let me tell you what I have learnt about this condition, and how much I have come to respect those who fight it every day.

Let me state clearly now that an addict is not a weak willed person!  A person’s measure of willpower has nothing to do with addiction. Until we let go of that notion, we will never understand addiction and will be guilty of discriminating unfairly on the basis of misunderstanding.

The addicts I have met are the strongest people I have had the privilege of knowing. This disease is one of the most crippling and powerful and scary I have ever seen, and I am in daily awe of all of you who overcome it and stand strong ‘one day at a time’.

I am sure that many of us have asked ourselves at some point in our lives, “are we addicted to xyz?” Or “do we have an addictive personality?”  The truth is there is no such thing as an addictive personality.  You either have the predisposition towards addiction, or you don’t.  It does seem to run in families.  The bad news is it can be quite random, and you might be able to ‘successfully’ use something like alcohol for most your life only to one day suddenly discover your substance / addiction of choice such as cocaine (or even gambling) which sets the brain alight and proceeds to take over your entire life!

How do we determine whether or not a person is an addict? Well, biologically addiction consists of a pre-occupation with the substance (or behaviour) that is activating the specific reward centre in the brain.  MRI imaging shows us that an addicts brain lights up pretty much like a Christmas tree when exposed to the substance / behaviour in question, and it appears additional receptors ‘grow’ in order to absorb the reward centre chemicals produced by exposure to the substance or behaviour.  

MRI imaging also shows us that in a recovered addict, the neurons lie dormant and can be re-activated at anytime, hence the need for abstinence and lifestyle change.  In a non-addict the brain does not grow these additional receptors.

How do you know if you are an addict? Well the pre-occupation is the warning sign. If a drink or a hit of whatever-it-may-be is all you can pretty much think about, chances are you are hooked.  Addiction becomes a problem when you start making excuses, hiding your habit, damaging your relationships, taking time off work and getting into debt. 

Alcohol is a tricky animal.  What people do not realise is there are many different forms of alcoholism.  You do not need to drink everyday to be an alcoholic.  If you are driving under the influence, chances are you are suffering from one of these as you are acting in an irresponsible manner and you really need to question your relationship with this substance.  There is no excuse for putting other people’s lives at risk, even if you do not care about your own!

The biggest misconception that the public hold about addicts is that an addict needs to hit “rock-bottom” in order to be able to pick them-selves up again and “get over it”.  The problem is that rock bottom for an addict often means death, and people do not realise that left to their own devices, an addict will use or drink themselves to death.  If you care for someone who is suffering from addiction, never leave them to their own devices.  Research shows any intervention, voluntary or not, has an equal chance of success.  You may feel the person does not want your help, but chances are they need it.

Society has become a very sad place.  If we look at what comprises most forms of entertainment these days, it involves eating, drinking or ‘clubbing’.  Alcohol and drugs are everywhere.  Community is on the decline.  I have the greatest amount of empathy for anyone suffering from this affliction as they are constantly exposed to their demons at every point and turn.  Their condition is misunderstood.  Peers and work colleagues pressure them into having ‘just one drink’ not realising they are potentially activating a chain of events that could destroy the person’s life.

It is an affliction that must be fought every day, hence the AA motto “One day at a time”. There are many precious lives lost to this terrible condition, and the tragedy is these are often our artists, our great thinkers, our creatives, our talented individuals, our writers, and our musicians! Addiction seems to be attracted to talent!

If you know an addict, support them with care and understanding.  If you know someone who is struggling with addiction, educate them and attempt to refer them to a place of treatment as often as you can.  If you suspect you might be an addict yourself, do not be afraid, there are fantastic networks in place and professionals that can assist you every step of the way. Do not delay in getting help.

Denial is the devil’s handmaiden in the addiction game.  It is the mechanism that causes everything to get out of hand.  Be aware of this thorny, barbed self sabotaging mind-trap, and don’t let denial block out the truth of your situation until your life is completely out of control.

I have the greatest amount of respect for those of you who have beaten this condition and continue to fight it daily. I honour your strength and commitment and I hope you realise how incredibly powerful you really are! I look at addicts in recovery and am humbled how much they have grown as people, their incredible honesty moulds them into outstanding human beings.  I apologise to you, on behalf of all of us, that our society does not recognise you or accommodate you as it should. 

For those of you who need help or are looking for a treatment centre in South Africa, I would highly recommend contacting The Houghton House group of Treatment Centres on (011) 787-9142 (24 hour number) or visit www.houghtonhouse.co.za.

Elaine Harman is a corporate and life skills facilitator who uses psychology to assist delegates in overcoming negative self sabotaging patterns in their lives such as procrastination.  Her flagship course, The Time Clinic, incorporates techniques taken from the human sciences in order to assist delegates in changing their behaviour in order to better manage their time, their tasks and ultimately themselves.  Elaine has studied as an addictions counseller and seeks to educate the public to assist in overcoming biases and support the addicted community.  Visit her website or contact her on www.timeclinic.co.za.

Elaine Harman

071 685 5449

elaine@timeclinic.co.za

www.timeclinic.co.za

Juice It All Up.....

I've always thought that if I were an animal I'd be a dog. I love horses but definitely a dog. Even though I've frequently denied it, all my friends always said I'm "wife" material. Secretly I knew that I'm extremely domesticated. I love looking after my home (especially before I got married because I had all that time). I feel a great flush of pride when my kids and husband look good. I also never tire of thinking of ways of entertaining everyone or cooking meals they love or searching for bargains to improve the aesthetics of my home. Nothing tickles my inside like walking into a beautiful home that I live in. I think it might be the same feeling an author might get when they get their first print of a knew book they've labored on.

I guess that's why I can get as excited as I've been about getting a juicer for a present. My hubby got me one of these about two weeks ago and I've had an entire two weeks of splendid juicing. What is it that excites me so much. Well I love that I now don't have to rely on vitamin supplements alone to make sure that the daily nutritional requirements are met. First thing in the morning I've been making sure that all the kids have a glass of fruit or vege juice freshly extracted.

Yesterday I even got my husband to commit to drinking a glass of a mixture of beetroot and carrot juice first thing in the morning to help with his high blood pressure and eye sight.

But what I am most excited about is not having to buy baby food because no matter how organic a product is, if it has to be on the shelves then there must be preservatives in it. In fact we bought a couple of banana puree's which baby refused to eat because they were so sour to the taste, and yet they were organic.
So i'm sure you can understand how happy I am that when I'm cooking for the family I can take partially boiled veges and puree them for her.

I've also been struggling with carb and sugar cravings for a while now so I suppose it really is true, a craving is a signal that your body is screaming for nutritional fulfillment in a certain area. My sugar and bread intake has reduced significantly to no gassy drinks, refined bread or sugar.

And best of all, now vege or fruit has the chance of going bad. Everything from broccoli to cucumber is getting slushed. Its amazing how nice everything tastes when you add some pineapple or chilies or salt, pepper, etc to it.

So I say Yes to Juicing IT ALL!
What health benefits do you use your juicer for?


By the way, I made my first teacher appreciation gift for my son's teacher. Its far from perfect (and I promise myself to do better with the stenciling next time) but what do you think? Its a hand sanitizer that I wrapped up. I think every teacher appreciates one of those for their desk.

I'm grateful to Julie at A Less Than Perfect Life of Bliss for her tutorial on how to do this. She is a phenomenal DIY DIVA.

Amazing People on X-Factor

I'm usually an avid follower of all music oriented reality shows because I love  music so much. The one show I've been lax in watching though is X-Factor. I suspect because in my mind I still had the ideas of people swallowing slugs and lying in snake infested boxes. Not my seen.

The first time I realize things had changed was when I came across a You Tube video of this teacher. He absolutely blew me away.


Now I make a point of going on to check out what's happening now and again. Today I came across such fantastic musicians I had to share with you in case you missed them. Im definitely keeping tabs on these to. I have to have their music.

First up is Jahmene Douglas. This little man just improved on my all time favorite song which is in itself perfection. This is a phenomenal singer.


I end this post with this delightful 16 year old who's not only a brilliant vocalist but also an outstanding song writer as you'll hear. Witness greatness.

Striking Miners at Marikana

Business Report

South Africa is in mourning over a terrible tragedy that went on for about two weeks at a local mine (the Marikana mine). Miners have been on strike for better pay for what seems like forever now . It came to light during the strike that many were living in “”abject poverty”, earning approximately $1250p/m. Don’t worry I’m also still trying to figure out what the definition of abject poverty is if this amount falls under that description. 

The horror of this event though was the amount of violence involved and the way people got killed. Police are alleged to have gone on a rampage and people dropped dead or injured everywhere. Before the police opened fire, 10 had been hacked to death by the striking minors themselves and by the time the police were finished that number had increased to 44. 

I can’t imagine the pain and anger of those who lost their loved ones on both sides (miners and police). My heart goes out to them and I pray that God help them through this time of suffering. 

Mining is a cold, heartless business that cares only about the bottom line.  And I’m still asking myself, was this demand for an increase worth even one of those lives? Now political hyenas are using this tragedy to meet their own needs. Pointing fingers at whoever is in opposition, fuelling the fire to meet their own agendas. Not in the least bit concerned with helping resolve things.  It’s all been made into a travesty of ridiculous proportions. God help us.

The other things that really irked me today was reading an article from one of the local newspapers. I wasn’t irritated by the covering of the strike, I just  wish people wouldn't sensationalize unsubstantiated statements".

South Africa remains possibly the most unequal society in the world,- the black majority still faces a life of poverty and toil, if they are lucky enough to even find work; while the still largely white elite, enjoy a life more familiar to the suburbs of Atlanta or Los Angeles, than a country in which over the half the country’s citizens live below the poverty line, without access to basic services. Amandla Pub.

 South Africa is not "possibly the most unequal country in the world”. Does this writer person know how big and unequal the world is. Have they stepped foot just north of our country. Our neighbors both near and far don’t even bother to raise their voices because they know in their position they mean nothing to no one. Have they heard of places like India who are living far below the breadline, etc. I don't condone what has happened by any means but I just wish some of these journalists wouldn’t give the world the impression that you can't get worse than South Africa. When in fact we are a beautiful country that is working on its social ills like any other. That is simply malicious.

Is Culture The Unwelcome Ingredient In Marriage?

Last weekend my family on my husband’s side came over to see the baby. I ended up enjoying myself immensely during that gathering which was something of a surprise to me. Why it should surprise me is that I never really know what to expect from that side of the family because we are so different, background, tradition and so on. Im always full of apprehension.

even the way we (South Africans) entertain is completely different to the way Nigerians do. But i’m happy to say that the prospect of holding these gatherings is not as strenuous as it used to feel because I don’t worry about it so much anymore. Anyway one of my brother in-laws that I feel most comfortable with always seems to get into discussion and debate with me every time we meet.

This time it was about culture and inevitably its role in marriage. I feel very strongly about this issue which I think is understandable because it seems to be that African men use culture as an opportunity to get out of responsibility and excuse incompetence. 

Infact I am persuaded that culture is the reason many marriages get into trouble because what is culture and tradition after all. Some rules set by old men who being bored of sitting in the sun decided to think of ways to enslave the females in their lives to their benefit even more. And then it becomes even worse when you marry into a different nationality because suddenly who you are and your history become completely insignificant incomparison to your husband and his background. 

When my husband and I got married, our counsellor told us to take culture out of the equation and use the Bible as the basis to set standards for behaviour in our marriage. And funny enough the men work very hard at misrepresenting this too in order to get their way. Be that as it may, I maintain that it is better to submit to biblical principles and use these as reference for behaviours in marriage than talk about my culture or your culture that has no basis. 

I know this has turned into a bit of a incomprehensible  tantrum on my side but what roles has culture played in your relationships and how have you handled hick ups if it ever created  any?

Things I Love

I had such fun today, in fact for the last couple of weeks its been good. Good enough to almost feel all is right with the world again and to come by here and say howdy?

"What have you been up to Wendy?" you might ask. 

Today specifically I went shopping and did myself proud finding good deals on winter stuff for everyone except me of course. Even my nanny got shoes and a sweatshirts. That's moms' for you right, nothing new there.

If only someone loved me enough  :-)

The last two weeks I've been in and out of antique and collectable shops  so I'm brimming with ideas, I even ordered two mirrors for the main bedroom which I can't wait to get. I found the most delightful antique dealer that also does great reproductions of 17th to 19th century furniture. We can't all afford the real thing you know, even the reproductions are easily out of reach for most. Check out these Victorian nightstands which i think are fabulosity itself but ridiculously priced at $423 for one by the same store.**sad sigh**

Good news though, I started buying art again as  result of my trips into these obcure little quaint places in Johannesburg. Happiness. 

There are still challenges with my online life though. One, I still don't have a laptop of my own and am stealing hubbies when possible and two, I only got a nanny last week so I'm so busy to catching up on everything else I barely have time to visit to my blog life. But things are looking up, at some point I was a tad bit concerned that I might not get to come back to mine and your blogs which of course would just be tragic.

We are all of 3 months and 4 days today.

Oops, nearly slipped my mind. Here's the latest pic of le bambino **in my head that sounded Italian**. Ain't she just absolutely divine? Even if I'm a little biased. This is the most beautifully calm baby ever, if i'd known this is what exclusive breastfeeding does I'd have made more effort with the others..

Next. I've been busy trying to get the house in order as best as a not working mother can so mostly its turning out to be DIY decor on a diaper budget. Its either that or live in an empty house until I can afford new things again and that would just be enough to have me slit my wrists. So I've been educating myself. In my last posts I mentioned my sewing endeavours. Well that hasn't really gotten anywhere. I've discovered I don't have the patience for all the detail that goes into making clothes. Maybe it will come but I much better prefer the feeling of walking into the house and seeing something I've made in a jiffy. Like my kitchen curtans which I wipped up in two hours this week because my white ones just had no character. I'm quite proud of them but am sure in six months time after i'll have more practice i'll look at them in shame and say to self: what were you doing? _ that's what I said when I took off my other self made ones to replace them with these. By the way this Kathryn White print I got the other day was inspiration for the curtain choice. I love it.

Before
(It had a green
 faded velvet seat).
I was mending broken bits
and sanding by the time I
took this pic *sorry*.

After

I have a chair in my bedroom which was my first upcyle/reupholstery project and I think its time for another and hopefully I'll do better second time around. I picked this chair up at an antique dealer for about $7 because I needed something temporary in the room. I got an off cut fabric from a reuphosterer and went on with my trail and error. I didn't think it was half bad thereafter to be honest I still don't. I'll just cover the upholstery with a boy's room worthy fabric and stick it in my son's room for a desk chair. Believe it or not, covering a straight forward chair with like takes about 30 min. if you have what you need. Does that make you think about your dining table chairs?

I've decided to create a page for my DIY stuff because I've made other things and am in the process of upcycling and repurposing an old bookshelf into 3 separate units (a bookshelf, a linen cupboard and amoire for kitchenware) . I'll stick my detailed instructions on there in case there's another nut out there like yours truly. I find DIY therapeutic and rewarding and can almost guarantee that its the only hobby out there that's an investment with immediate and long term returns.

I can't believe that before the year is over I have reconnected with most of the things I loved. As you know if you follow my blog, things have been tenuous this year and I've been at the precipice of despair a number of times. But glory be to God, here I am, smiling again. I hope life is making you smile too.

Love and kisses from another  DIY Diva!

Fabulously Fashionable @ Zando Online

Monika Nyzio Ankle Boot Espresso

I don't normally do these but I really wanted to send a shout out about Zando , an online shopping site.

One of the things I really envy about living in the States and Europe is the shopping variety and methods. Its taking a while for us here in good old SA to catch up but its really refreshing to find that its not for lack of trying. Just recently I was introduced to a fantastic store and I love it so much its bookmarked on my iPad. One of the things to love about it besides the fabulous fashions is that if you're an SA customer is the free delivery on all items.  Who doesn't right? I'd rather spend my money on the actual shopping than paying for my stuff to get delivered. Love it. And then as you browse through their many brands you find that they have something for everyone's pockets. I have a shoe fetish so that's where i've been spending my time as you can see. Check out the variety in terms of price.

Zoom Ankle Boot R599

Even more important though is the love I feel for businesses who know their client and cater for them. In this case meaning they accommodate a variety of payment options which are accessible to all. We are not as big as the States and the like on online shopping for many socio-economic reasons but nothing is more irritating for those who are into it then wanting to buy something online only to find that they only accommodate credit cards and Paypal, which the majority of people on this side of the globe either don't prefer, don't know about or don't have access to. Double the love here.

Zinka Ankle Boot on sale for R465 

So you can imagine my happiness when Zando asked to be mentioned on my blog. I jumped at the opportunity especially because I get a voucher which I can't wait to spend. By the way i'm also giving you an opportunight to grab one of their vouchers. All you have to do is check out www.zando.co.za and comeback here to comment on what you think you'll spend your R100 voucher towards. I have 5 X R100 vouchers to give away and you have until the 13th May 2012 to post your comment here with your email and name. If you one of the lucky ones you'll receive a voucher number from me which you'll use towards your purchase. I'll be giving away more at Fabulosity Reads as Zando was generous enough to send me 10 vouchers. You may be twice  lucky if you read my book review blog. Watch this space.......

In the meantime check them out, they even have a tab for items less than R300. Happy winter shopping.
PS! Don't forget to leave your name and email in your comment.

Meet Mikaela, Our Latest Gift

Finally I am able to take a moment to introduce you to our latest family member who is 15 days old today. Time flies ridiculously fast. Things have been a little hectic but she makes it easy by being the most wonderfully behaved baby in the world.
We all fell in love with her immediately and her little sisters especially Ariyel, the older one, just can't get enough of her. Bath times have become a great treat and opportunity to sing all the songs learnt at nursery school.
Its odd how you manage to live without someone for so long but when they arrive in your life you simply can't imagine them never being there. Its truly the magic of what makes families.

Well friends I have to run. I feel positively cowish these days. I'm breastfeeding as usual you see and am once again having intimate relations with my mammary glands.
You see the link to the cow right? Milk....udders....permanent exposure. I here the milking bell ringing... until next time....cheers!

Baby Mikaela Updates and DIY

Hello friends.

It feels like its been forever and a day. 

Only 6 days left to Baby Mikaela Ogechi Ewurum's entry into our world. We're all very excited here at home. Her siblings speak non-stop about her. My younger kids are sorting out their clothes to share and are worried about the doctor cutting my tummy open, removing the intestines and everything to get to the baby and putting it all back (where do they hear these things) and big brother asked me first thing today if it hurts when they scrub the vernix (white sticky stuff) off the baby. So clearly she's on their minds. 

I'm especially excited because I can't wait to play dress up with my own creations. I just recently bought a sewing machine (about a month now). I've been feeling quite nostalgic lately and been missing my gran who's favourite things in the world was sewing. You'd only find her outside of her sewing station if she had church or something equally mandatory to do. Anyway, I got one, made a couple of blankets for the kids to start myself off and a comforter and very snugly baby blanket for Mikaela. It took me all of two hours to teach myself to thread the thing by the way and I'm still learning about thread tension which I only become aware of when the cotton breaks...Urggh. 

This is the before when I
started sanding things off.

I'll be showing off my little collection on a Watch Me Sew post soon. 

One of the things I really wanted to let you know about is my other DIY activity I've been on lately. We recently started visiting an animal shelter and it has a bookshop and a charity shop. So on a good day when we went to drop off some stuff as we were moving to a new place month end, I'm not sure why but I left with this tea trolley on the right. I suspect I thought I could splash a coat of paint on and use it for something (perhaps carting my books about). I hate the colour it was.

AFTER: A place in the bathroom.

So we moved into the new place soon after the restoration job on the first of the month. One of my pet peeves of the new place besides it being carpeted throughout are the cabinetless bathrooms. Especially  mine.The medicine cabinet is probably the height of a ruler and the width smaller (possibly). So what's a soon to be on a diaper budget to do other than improvise temporarily. 

Come the move, my tea trolley found its place after a  good rub down with sanding paper and several coats of paint. What do you think?

By the way if you're in South Africa visit your nearest SPCA. They really could do with whatever you have to give or buy to feed those poor abandoned animals. My kids love going there, if not for the allergies I'd let them volunteer.

In a nutshell that is my last couple of weeks. I know I said I'd be on holiday for this blog for a long while but there's so much going there that I want to share. So sorry.

Off to my sewing station I go. I cut out the pattern and material for my first baby bunting last night. I'm interested in seeing how that pans out. Cheers

Sabbaticals, Babies and Naija to SA

It’s a year and two months since I started this blog. 

It was the genesis of my blogging career and online life. 

However, I recently had to make some very tough decisions about it. I’ve been between the devil and the deep blue sea for the longest time and its just not working out. Many promises brocken, schedules unkept have to lead to wake up calls at some point. 

So the decision is to streamline my online life which is currently all over the place at the moment. I can’t keep up with my online social obligations.

So this is the plan:

1. Fabulosity Nouveau (this blog) will be going on sabbatical for a period of six months with the possibility of extending to a year. One of my New Year resolutions is to work harder this year towards my finances and the other is to be more physically present to engage more with the world around me. I’m finding it hard to do all that and maintain the same momentum with my online presence. As a result this blog suffers.
2. Deactivate my personal Facebook  account and only maintain the one for Fabulosity Reads. I have a lot to download here to ensure I do not lose precious information so it may take a couple of weeks but in that time i’d also like my friends to switch over. So if you are my friend at Wendy Ewurum on Facebook then please send me a friend invite on Fabulosity Reads or like my page FabulosityReads4U.
3. This also means cancelling my participation on the A-Z challenge this year. But this just cannot be helped.

Now on to other news:

I know there will be times when I’ll be tempted to come back here because there are just some things that don’t fit well in the book review blog and I promise to try to not cave in thereby confusing you all. Well except on maybe two occasions:

1. We are expecting a new arrival in the family soon so I’d love to introduce you to her when she finally makes the big entrance. This I definitely have to share with you.
2. A friend is going to the Beer Fest in Germany in June and I am sooooo jealous but despite this debilitating emotion I will share a post about her experience with pictures and events when she’s there. If only to drool over it all.

Long overdue feedback:

The last some of you heard from me was when you were wishing me well with my permanent move to Nigeria. Well it was as permanent as any sane person can make it. Three months later, on the day my visa expired I and the kids were on plane back home.

Don’t get me completely wrong. 

Nigeria would be great to visit for a very short holiday say two weeks but for anything longer I imagine you have to grow hair on your teeth to survive. Especially if you come from a progressive country. It was the hardest three months of my life and all can say is God Bless South Africa number one and number two I understand the Nigerians wonderlust now. 

None the less, the experience was a huge eye opener not to mention an exceedingly expensive experiment that has left my hubby so disappointed but I’m ever so glad I did it in my younger years if you call mid thirties young.Well compared to doing it at 45 years I suppose it is.

Thanks to Special People

I do want to thank my special blog friend Misha, Sochi Azuh and J.L Campbell whom I bitched and moaned on when I felt I was going to die of depression. I’ve never met any of them but that’s the wonderful thing about blogging, you don’t need a face to face experience with someone for them to care for you. 

I also published a number of very depressing posts at that time and my blog friends here always had a word of wisdom or encouraging advise. I'm thinking of the likes of Karen Gowen, Tirzah Goodwin, Kiru Taye, etc. All of you guys are very special to me. Thank you.

Au Revior

Anyway I think I’ve covered what I had to for now. Fabulosity Nouveau wishes you love, happiness and success for the rest of this year and may we see each other again soon. 

To follow me on my other blog please visit Fabulosityread.blogspot.com. I promise to follow back when you do.

Fabulosity Reads is a book review blog where I do author interviews, guest blogging and Giveaways as well. I’ve thinking of resurrecting my art and galleries page with a theatre feature since I’ll be visiting these frequently soon.

Thank you to all the blog friends and followers I've met through my blogging journey and who stuck by my craziness, supersized ego and bottomless insecurities. You made me feel extraordinary.  

All my love.

Wendy Ewurum

Poetry Friday: The Tiger by William Blake

Some poems you fall inlove with because of the beautiful and creative use of words. 

Sometimes the poem itself even loses its meaning and wholeness because of how much the audience appreciates one aspect, such as the sound of the words in this case. 

I was watching the Mentalist the other day and the first stanza of William Blakes Tiger was recited by Patrick Jane whom I think is simply drool worthy by the way. 

Anyway it somehow stuck in my mind for days and a few days later having posted it on my Facebook wall someone commented that it was their most favourite nursery rhyme. Nursery Rhyme? Imagine that. I did this poem as part of my set-work in my senior year of high school. 

But when I read it again I realised on hindsight, that it was possible for it to have evolved into a nursery rhyme because those first lines are so beautiful mysterious and catchy. But it would really be such a pity of the reader never got to appreciate the depth of meaning and craftsmanship that went into the the rest of this poem.

What are you thoughts on it?

William Blake. 1757–1827 

 

TIGER, tiger, burning bright  

In the forests of the night,  

What immortal hand or eye  

Could frame thy fearful symmetry?  

In what distant deeps or skies         5

Burnt the fire of thine eyes?  

On what wings dare he aspire?  

What the hand dare seize the fire?  

And what shoulder and what art  

Could twist the sinews of thy heart?  10

And when thy heart began to beat,  

What dread hand and what dread feet?  

What the hammer? what the chain?  

In what furnace was thy brain?  

What the anvil? What dread grasp  15

Dare its deadly terrors clasp?  

When the stars threw down their spears,  

And water'd heaven with their tears,  

Did He smile His work to see?  

Did He who made the lamb make thee?  20

Tiger, tiger, burning bright  

In the forests of the night,  

What immortal hand or eye  

Dare frame thy fearful symmetry?

Intelligence and Politics Can Good Bed Mates Make

There is so much going on in the world around me but at times I'm so focused on our own business I miss it all.

Today I listened to an hour interview with a politician for the very first time. I actually just wanted to see what was going on in the news, another rare curiosity and when I switched on the telly there she was. Our "notorious" Helen Zille. She's been nicknamed godzille but I think that's only because she's a straight shooter. She calls a pade a spade, the say it like it is type. 

Anyway I loved her TV interview. She was on her toes, knows her business, can account for hers and her parties actions and although it was open panel type and therefore the questions were impromptu both from the instudio audience and public (the public tweeted) she had great answers, she sounded articulate and transparent.

Now this is the first time my interest has ever been held by any talk or interview that is remotely political so I don't know much about Zille. However, after the interview I was left with the commitment to myself that when next an opportunity to vote was there, I would seize it. My right hasn't been practised since the first election I'm ashamed to say. I have been a very bad citizen.

I realise now though that there really are viable alternatives to the current diabolical governing body. The job is for me the citizen to take an interest in finding out about them. Oh and hope that should whoever I vote for next come to power, they will not also lose themselves in the power high and continue the craze.

What's happening in the political scene in your area do you know?

Get Your Relationship Out Of the Doldrums by Dr. Eve

I love radio shows as opposed to tv shows.

Perhaps because they require only my ears and allow better multitaking.

And I mention this today because one of my favourite talk radio stations (702FM) features the highly esteemed Dr. Eve on Fridays, a show I always look forward to.

She is a relationship and sexual health expert and holds very, very interesting adult discussions. She talks about those things that men and women just do not talk about which affect them emotionally and physically but would never dare to admit to anyone that knows them.

As part of a couple I must say my interest is always peaked when I come across such persons as herself.

Call it gathering ammunition or whatever but there you are. 

I find marriage like parenthood, to be an expedition of trail and error. Most times it is a wonderful and completely fulfilling experience. Sometimes tests come along and they are relatively easy to overcome and life moves on smoothly, hardly showing a dent and other times **shrugs**. Well, lets just say I find I need something extra to hold it all together with,  in order to pass some tests. 

Especially as we grow not only as a couple but as individuals. I constantly find myself having to adjust to changes within me and him and our marriage. You'll notice I keep saying I because even now I'm not 100% sure how he copes with these continues adjustments but he seems to do it with a lot more finesse than I. Do I sense an underlying dissonance?

Most people I come across on blogs, when they talk about their relationships I get these visions of blissful marriages and relationships  and I wonder to myself. What am I doing wrong?

Am I the only person living on planet earth and finds marriage both rosy and thorny or am I just the dysfunctional wicked witch of the west that my poor husband got saddled with? No don't answer that, we may have to take out the Vaseline of you do. hehehe.

Anyway I'm saying all this today because I  came across this article written by Dr. Eve and thought well, maybe its not just me. The mere fact that there are people going out to become doctors and specialists in this  area must mean there is demand. Perhaps other people in my position are just better at keeping it to close to their chests. And I should have you know that albeit my chest being ample, it is so hollow I can't even keep my own confidence in it. Hence this very revealing post, do you see the problem?

Getting back to the reason for this post. I apologise for the extensive length of it firstly. Way too much said but I hope if you decide to read it all the way to the end, you'll find it worthwhile.

Get Your Relationship Out Of the Doldrums by Dr. Eve

Perhaps you think you have  a sexual dysfunction.

That's the main reason people consult with me. They get pretty mad when the work becomes about the relationship. Commonly couples sit on my therapy couch as their relationship is in the doldrums.Sexual difficulties are usually the result of relationship doldrums.

Ask yourself: did you choose your partner for other reasons other than passion? Problem with this is that the longer one is in a relationship the more the passion dies.So if passion did not form a firm foundation for you then you will find yourself in relationship doldrums pretty soon into marriage/relaitonship.

Did you choose  a partner for passion? Aha another kind of doldrums awaits you: deadbrain , lack of companionship syndrome.

Herewith a quickie guide to get you out of relationship doldrums: Add your own thoughts to each sub heading and share with a partner for optimal results.

Notice and Appreciate: complacency is a passion killer

I use the 3 A’s formula: appreciate, acknowledge, admire. Use technology to do this so relationship does not feel like hard work at the end of the day. So easy to do this via text , e mail, skype, facebook etc- whatever your technical drug of choice is

Be healthy: 

check that there aren't any medical issues which could be interfering with your sex life. That includes knowing your HIV/STI status. Of course  regular exercise, regular sex, regular eating.

Vitally important: each person in a relationship has an obligation to be healthy: illness impacts on the other person and  poor life style causes resentment such as excessive drinking, smoking , high body mass index. Resentment causes low sexual interest in both men and women.

Know how you each feel:

Mind mapping is an essential automatic part of relating. Hone in on your mind mapping skills so you get to know what your partner is thinking. Follow your mind mapping with discussion so you really knwo if you are getting each other or not.

 Each person in relationship has a commitment to know one's own sexuality- likes and dislikes. As these change over time, one needs to be in the loop with one’s own self sexually. Otherwise true doldrum sets in.

Exposure to erotic material, interesting conversations about sexuality, exploring on internet  great sites give people an idea what they want individually - and then the responsibility is to share with partner.

Seduce

Seduction can only happen when the relationship feels great. And again each person has a responsibility to seduce the other- no standing back waiting for the other to initiate. It takes courage and confidence to do this. Take the risk and do it – it links in with people needing to feel the 2 A’s.. as well as lusted after by their own partner. 

Go shopping - for some adult stuff

Any new shared experience makes a couple feel close and connected. So doing something daring such as shopping for sex toys  is part of the turn on process. When a couple push boundaries, such as buying unusual sex toys/using different sex toys, there is a sense of sharing  a secret which enhances their intimacy.

Get enough sleep

Allowing each other time alone- to sleep or talk on phone to friends, go for a run, hang out with friends, dance whatever , will give each person more willingness to share their bodies with each other. If there is a deprivation of self, resentment grows – which is a killer of sexual desire.

And take your time - nothing happens quickly..

Time is the most precious commodity today – porn provides people opportunity for quick sex so people are loosing the willingness to take time for sexual play- this in turn leads to relationship break down.

In summary, if you are healthy, have time out for yourself, process relationship stuff when it arises , invest in your own sexual, intellectual and emotional development, then  you will be  willing to take your precious time and spend it rescuing  your own relationship from the doldrums.

********************************************************

If you have more suggestions  on getting out the doldrums , please mention them in comments here. 

I'd also love it if you'd share your thoughts on this article. 

Poetry with Paulann Petersen

I love this blog.

I've thought of shutting it down because of time constraints but every time I do I think of my gems stored in here. Like today's addition that I know I'll come back to time and again. On my last Poetry Friday session M. Pax left a comment the post with Kathryn Starbuck's poem introducing me to today's poet.

Thank you M. Pax I am indebted to you. 

I loved Paulann's style and thought I just have to let you know about her as well. Sacrament is a poem of hers that I ended up reading more than once. I hope you enjoy it too.

A Sacrament

Become that high priest, 

the bee. Drone your way 

from one fragrant

temple to another, nosing

into each altar. Drink 

what's divine—

and while you're there,

let some of the sacred

cling to your limbs.

Wherever you go 

leave a small trail 

of its golden crumbs.

In your wake 

the world unfolds 

its rapture, the fruit

of its blooming.

Rooms in your house

fill with that sweetness

your body both

makes and eats.

           —Paulann Petersen

Fame And Mis-Fortune

There are so many ways to kill yourself. 

And the famous seem to have intimate knowledge of them all. 

It’s not enough that young celebrities are falling all over themselves trying to see who they can beat in the DOD race but older ones seem to be holding their own too. 

Picture: Bing

Just this weekend I saw news reports that Heather Lockear refuses medical help with her prescription pill and alcohol addiction problem. This is despite the fact that she was rushed to hospital last Thursday due to an overdose of the same. You might remember this beauty from Dynasty, if you like me, aren’t too clued up with recent TV activity.

My point is, is it not enough that the Michael Jackson’s and Amy Winehouse’s of this world suffered the deadly consequences of this habit not too long ago? Or is it a case of: “ these things happen to other people but never to me” until that is, you find yourself looking down a deep pit of your own vomit desperately searching for the light at the end of that murky tunnel.

Perhaps I’m just too hard on them. 

After all I’ve never been and most probably will never be so obscenely wealthy that self destruction would seem a attractive source of excitement, a way to break the monotony that is a life of luxury. Because you see, when you have that much money everything that money can buy is at your disposal. So I imagine that subconsciously you might say “let me see just how far my invincibility reaches”.

On the other hand it could really be a coping mechanism from the pressures that come with having too much money. Afterall the late B.I.G did say in a song “more money more problems”. Problems that I will in all probability l never know or experience. 

Whatever the reason, no one seems to remember that as far back as time immemorial, the cost of your health has always been elusive. And as such it will remain.

Do you imagine in any way that you could fall prey to these misfortunes of fame should you wake up to find yourself nauseatingly wealthy one day?

My Resolutions List In Action

Yesterday I had a great break through.

I went out to do some wheelin' and dealin for the first time in almost a year and came home with one signed and one verbal contract. 

I also made some good progress with my old networks telephonically and everyone seems to be keen on a working relationship between us again so I have some business meetings coming up.

I am ever so encounraged. I feel as though this really is a year for new beginnings for me. 

Last year this time it seemed nothing I tried business wise worked and if I remember correctly, I was saying the same things and presenting myself and my business in the same way. 

Maybe it's because i'm making more effort communicate more with real people instead of my cyber world, hence Mondays post only coming on today ***tsk tsk***.

Or the recession really is no more and companies are spending more.

Perhaps the stars were just not in alignment in my favour.

Or God just got tired of my silent screams and decided its time for that break.All in His own time.

Whatever it is, it seems to be working friends and I am so glad. I hope you're having a bit of good fortune on your side too. I'm sure we could all do withsome for the year.

Poetry with Kathryn Starbuck

Happy Friday my firends. I hope you have an awesome weekend.
I came across poet, Kathryn Starbucks, this week while in search of new poems to enjoy. You know you get those moments where you just crave to curl up with a cup of tea and a great poetry book on your favourite corner of the couch. This was one of them for me. 

So off I went in search and I read an interview with this wonderful lady who only started writing poetry at 60. 

I think one of the things I really like about her poems that I have read is the note of accentricity and quirkiness I get. 

I loved her response to an interview question from the Poets & Writers Mag when she talks about her poetry writing:

 Question:
P&W: Would you have ever written poetry if you hadn’t gone through this intense grief?
Answer:
KS: I don’t think I would have. I was driven to do it. And once I started doing it, I liked it a lot. I still like it. I just love writing poems. I love working with the words. I know nothing about how a poem is put together. I have no interest in any of that—whatever it is that is supposed to make a poem. But I know how I like to do it. It just really, really interests me, so I do it a lot.

Bio: Journalist, essayist, and editor (of the Milford, New Hampshire, weekly newspaper Cabinet), Kathryn Starbuck started writing poems in her 60s. Her first collection, Griefmania, was published in 2006. Her poems have appeared in the New Yorker, Poetry, Sewanee Review, and Best American Poetry 2008.
http://www.poetryfoundation.org/

Undone Song at Neap Tide
When the sun and moon were in quadrature, when  
the garden had become a wilderness and the clock refused to strike

When the old year died and the sand walked into
the sea with the neap tide

When you had been too long away and your old snowblue footprints
clotted and hesitated in the clay

When the worry of this undone song unsung so long
so loud my head I went inside and under to let the flood run free
Source: Poetry (February 2005).

Convinced, 1957

At last I was convinced that giving in to their thinking represented a huge error in the evolution of my family affairs. Riven with a savage melancholy, not permitted out of the house without two minders—one armed with needle sedative, the other armed with arms—I armed myself with myself and threw off the vulgar superstition and reactionary domination that had up to then poisoned my mental library, imprisoning me, making me believe, with them, that I must have children when I knew that I must not, would not.    And I did not.

Source: Poetry (January 2012).
 

Ideas
I was the lonely one in whom  
they swarmed in the millions.  
I was their creature and I  
was grateful. I could sleep  
when I wanted.  

I lived a divided  
existence in sleepdreams  
that lit up a silence as dreadful  
as that of the moon. I have  
an overly-precise recall of  

those solitary years before  
I opened the curtain and drew  
upon a universe of want that made  
me so strong I could crack  
spines of books with one hand.

Source: Poetry (March 2009).

All poems were courtesy of The Poetry Foundation.

My First New Year Resolution List

Last year I did not have any resolutions, I haven’t had any since high school as a matter of fact. At the beginning of each year I always have goals that are floating around in my head but never anything set in stone.  As a result just the basics get done (almost). Things will be a little different this year though. After my three month stint in Nigeria, this seems like the perfect opportunity to start with a list as I have to start over here in South Africa. So this is to writing new chapters.

 

Official 2012 Goals

Read 100 books.

My goal on Good reads was to read a 100 books this year but this proved overly ambitious for a slow reader so I only managed 52 to date. Most of my reading got done in the last quarter of the year as my reading improved to 1.5 books a week.

Review 62 Books

This year I managed to review 31 books since I started my book review blog in June. I reckon I can double that in 2012.

Blogging

I’m not sure what I want to commit to yet so nothing set in stome as yet.  I do know that I want to identify a paid blog hosting service for my book review blog and have a big funtional online store.

Writing

• Attend my at least one creative writing course this year.

• Write my first draft of a 5000 word short story by Easters.

  

Work

Focus on establishing a fixed income, I did this very well until this 2011. Last year I skated by on the grace of grace of God. This year I need the grace of God and my own effort.

Hobbies & Social life

Late in last year I wrote about having lost my passion and wanting back and got lots of great advise mainly around doing something new and getting out more. This is the most nonexistent sphere of my life and perhaps requires the second biggest effort as I tend to avoid it at all cost. So the plan is to:

• Attend the theatre at least once every second month. I've never seen a live play or musical.

• Go out with a friend or friends once or twice a month.

• I meant to start painting this year and absolutely failed. I will make an effort again this year.

• Attend art shows/ functions and galleries. At least attend 4 in 2012 and blog about them.

• I want to learn one new language preferably Swahili but have absolutely no clue where to go. It’s time to find out.

Health and Fitness

• Lose 10 kgs. This is quite doable as impossible as it looks. In 2010 I lost 15 kg’s with exercise and good eating habits. 2011 I was lazy so gained 6 back and just managed to lose it again despite being 6 months pregnant.So I need to get back on the wagon.

• Most importantly,  I need to get my spiritual relationship right ASAP. This has left a huge gaping hole that I'm sure is responsible for my frequent bouts of mild depression.

Travel
I really want to go to either England or Ireland to visit the ruins and historical places. This time I'll do a right job of documenting it all.

Relationships

• Focus more on mine and my families happiness. Organise more family and couple time than I did this year. Encourage us to each other more and be more encouraging. This is going to be so hard.....pray for me.
• Identify a good course to support and volunteer in with the kids. This is always at the back of my mind but never materialises. Time is running out.

2012 HERE I COME !!!!