Set them Up For Success Not Failure

I thought I’d share something about work today.

I remember that one of my New Year resolutions was to start working again? 

I can officially say that this resolution has a solid tick next to it now. Yipeee!

Every second Friday for eight weeks I pay a 5 hour visit to one of my clients (a world renowned chocolate maker ). During these visits I facilitate (or rather guide) an *RPL  session for 19 staff members who work the production line. I’m taking these learners through a Food and Beverage qualification which the client has initiated as part of their staff skills development plan.

I’m talking about them today because there is a certain lady in my class (Phumla) whose resilience amazes me. She’s was born somewhere in the fifties and has never had formal schooling. Any writing and reading skills she has are the result of self teaching. I watch her every Friday struggle through the sessions and I find this both heartbreaking and motivating. It breaks my heart that she has been put in a program without someone really assessing her learning needs. An immediate remedy would be to assign a mentor to help her through the program but despite my many requests none is forthcoming. I don’t think the coordinators appreciate how easy is it to extinguish that little flame of hope and desire some people have for learning if they have been out of school for a long time. Most become disheartened when they realize how much commitment goes into acquiring a new disciple (i.e. learning to learn). 

This is where I wish learning in the workplace was more about the people and less about the bottom line. As good as idea as it is, the reality is that most companies are just putting people through training for the tax  incentive.

Source

All that being said, I have never met someone that possesses more determination or fighting spirit as does Phumla. Away from our contact sessions, she finds it impossible to read and interpret the amount of content she has to cover. Yet every week she pitches up having resourcefully found her way through significant amounts of it (despite the fact that most is copied word for word from her learning material or additional resources). 

I’m afraid at the end she will not make it through the programme, not because she didn’t put everything she has in her work but because the system has failed her. Whatever diagnostic assessment was done that resulted in her attending this class had it wrong…..and sadly, the wheels of bureaucracy turn far too slowly to help this one diligent student. 

Why do we set people up for failure? This is the one time where truly one can see that in our good intentions we can do more harm than good.

I hope when the time comes I will be fit for the job in that I help her recognize the nuggets she has acquired by attending the program and put them to further use. Phumla is definite proof that learning is a lifelong and continuous process and we who are in the field have a responsibility. Our responsibility is to nurture the desire to grow and learn when we see it because for the Phumla’s of this world, this is a lifeline in a long barren stretch of road.

*RPL (Recognition of Prior Learning). This is basically a learning program where you are assessed based on previous work experience in order to formalize it into a qualification.

Elaine Talks Addiction

My friend Elaine Harman, owner of the revolutionary Time Clinic, wrote this article so long ago I'm ashame to mention when that was. I've finally gotten around to publishing it and even though it was written a while ago, I believe this topic has no sell by date. It will be relevant as long as there are human beings walking the earth. So hear I hand over to Elaine.

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Addiction - something we really need to get our heads around

I’m going to take a controversial stand here and say that I really do believe that addiction is a disease.  Why controversial you may ask? Even despite the growing amount of psychological and biological evidence that suggests this is so?

Well, the truth is, it is often addicts themselves that choose not to refer to their affliction as a disease as they feel it is disempowering. As a non-addict myself, who has chosen to study the field of addictions counselling, the profound differences between an addicted brain and one that is not have really made me question, “Is this not a disease?”, and though I deeply respect many addicts’ choice to reject the label of an official diagnosis, I often wonder if it would not it easier and assist in remove damaging stigmas if we accepted that addiction is a condition? A condition to view in the same light as diabetes or bipolar, as examples?  

Perhaps the timing is wrong, and we need more a little more science to light our paths.  In the meanwhile, let me tell you what I have learnt about this condition, and how much I have come to respect those who fight it every day.

Let me state clearly now that an addict is not a weak willed person!  A person’s measure of willpower has nothing to do with addiction. Until we let go of that notion, we will never understand addiction and will be guilty of discriminating unfairly on the basis of misunderstanding.

The addicts I have met are the strongest people I have had the privilege of knowing. This disease is one of the most crippling and powerful and scary I have ever seen, and I am in daily awe of all of you who overcome it and stand strong ‘one day at a time’.

I am sure that many of us have asked ourselves at some point in our lives, “are we addicted to xyz?” Or “do we have an addictive personality?”  The truth is there is no such thing as an addictive personality.  You either have the predisposition towards addiction, or you don’t.  It does seem to run in families.  The bad news is it can be quite random, and you might be able to ‘successfully’ use something like alcohol for most your life only to one day suddenly discover your substance / addiction of choice such as cocaine (or even gambling) which sets the brain alight and proceeds to take over your entire life!

How do we determine whether or not a person is an addict? Well, biologically addiction consists of a pre-occupation with the substance (or behaviour) that is activating the specific reward centre in the brain.  MRI imaging shows us that an addicts brain lights up pretty much like a Christmas tree when exposed to the substance / behaviour in question, and it appears additional receptors ‘grow’ in order to absorb the reward centre chemicals produced by exposure to the substance or behaviour.  

MRI imaging also shows us that in a recovered addict, the neurons lie dormant and can be re-activated at anytime, hence the need for abstinence and lifestyle change.  In a non-addict the brain does not grow these additional receptors.

How do you know if you are an addict? Well the pre-occupation is the warning sign. If a drink or a hit of whatever-it-may-be is all you can pretty much think about, chances are you are hooked.  Addiction becomes a problem when you start making excuses, hiding your habit, damaging your relationships, taking time off work and getting into debt. 

Alcohol is a tricky animal.  What people do not realise is there are many different forms of alcoholism.  You do not need to drink everyday to be an alcoholic.  If you are driving under the influence, chances are you are suffering from one of these as you are acting in an irresponsible manner and you really need to question your relationship with this substance.  There is no excuse for putting other people’s lives at risk, even if you do not care about your own!

The biggest misconception that the public hold about addicts is that an addict needs to hit “rock-bottom” in order to be able to pick them-selves up again and “get over it”.  The problem is that rock bottom for an addict often means death, and people do not realise that left to their own devices, an addict will use or drink themselves to death.  If you care for someone who is suffering from addiction, never leave them to their own devices.  Research shows any intervention, voluntary or not, has an equal chance of success.  You may feel the person does not want your help, but chances are they need it.

Society has become a very sad place.  If we look at what comprises most forms of entertainment these days, it involves eating, drinking or ‘clubbing’.  Alcohol and drugs are everywhere.  Community is on the decline.  I have the greatest amount of empathy for anyone suffering from this affliction as they are constantly exposed to their demons at every point and turn.  Their condition is misunderstood.  Peers and work colleagues pressure them into having ‘just one drink’ not realising they are potentially activating a chain of events that could destroy the person’s life.

It is an affliction that must be fought every day, hence the AA motto “One day at a time”. There are many precious lives lost to this terrible condition, and the tragedy is these are often our artists, our great thinkers, our creatives, our talented individuals, our writers, and our musicians! Addiction seems to be attracted to talent!

If you know an addict, support them with care and understanding.  If you know someone who is struggling with addiction, educate them and attempt to refer them to a place of treatment as often as you can.  If you suspect you might be an addict yourself, do not be afraid, there are fantastic networks in place and professionals that can assist you every step of the way. Do not delay in getting help.

Denial is the devil’s handmaiden in the addiction game.  It is the mechanism that causes everything to get out of hand.  Be aware of this thorny, barbed self sabotaging mind-trap, and don’t let denial block out the truth of your situation until your life is completely out of control.

I have the greatest amount of respect for those of you who have beaten this condition and continue to fight it daily. I honour your strength and commitment and I hope you realise how incredibly powerful you really are! I look at addicts in recovery and am humbled how much they have grown as people, their incredible honesty moulds them into outstanding human beings.  I apologise to you, on behalf of all of us, that our society does not recognise you or accommodate you as it should. 

For those of you who need help or are looking for a treatment centre in South Africa, I would highly recommend contacting The Houghton House group of Treatment Centres on (011) 787-9142 (24 hour number) or visit www.houghtonhouse.co.za.

Elaine Harman is a corporate and life skills facilitator who uses psychology to assist delegates in overcoming negative self sabotaging patterns in their lives such as procrastination.  Her flagship course, The Time Clinic, incorporates techniques taken from the human sciences in order to assist delegates in changing their behaviour in order to better manage their time, their tasks and ultimately themselves.  Elaine has studied as an addictions counseller and seeks to educate the public to assist in overcoming biases and support the addicted community.  Visit her website or contact her on www.timeclinic.co.za.

Elaine Harman

071 685 5449

elaine@timeclinic.co.za

www.timeclinic.co.za

Juice It All Up.....

I've always thought that if I were an animal I'd be a dog. I love horses but definitely a dog. Even though I've frequently denied it, all my friends always said I'm "wife" material. Secretly I knew that I'm extremely domesticated. I love looking after my home (especially before I got married because I had all that time). I feel a great flush of pride when my kids and husband look good. I also never tire of thinking of ways of entertaining everyone or cooking meals they love or searching for bargains to improve the aesthetics of my home. Nothing tickles my inside like walking into a beautiful home that I live in. I think it might be the same feeling an author might get when they get their first print of a knew book they've labored on.

I guess that's why I can get as excited as I've been about getting a juicer for a present. My hubby got me one of these about two weeks ago and I've had an entire two weeks of splendid juicing. What is it that excites me so much. Well I love that I now don't have to rely on vitamin supplements alone to make sure that the daily nutritional requirements are met. First thing in the morning I've been making sure that all the kids have a glass of fruit or vege juice freshly extracted.

Yesterday I even got my husband to commit to drinking a glass of a mixture of beetroot and carrot juice first thing in the morning to help with his high blood pressure and eye sight.

But what I am most excited about is not having to buy baby food because no matter how organic a product is, if it has to be on the shelves then there must be preservatives in it. In fact we bought a couple of banana puree's which baby refused to eat because they were so sour to the taste, and yet they were organic.
So i'm sure you can understand how happy I am that when I'm cooking for the family I can take partially boiled veges and puree them for her.

I've also been struggling with carb and sugar cravings for a while now so I suppose it really is true, a craving is a signal that your body is screaming for nutritional fulfillment in a certain area. My sugar and bread intake has reduced significantly to no gassy drinks, refined bread or sugar.

And best of all, now vege or fruit has the chance of going bad. Everything from broccoli to cucumber is getting slushed. Its amazing how nice everything tastes when you add some pineapple or chilies or salt, pepper, etc to it.

So I say Yes to Juicing IT ALL!
What health benefits do you use your juicer for?


By the way, I made my first teacher appreciation gift for my son's teacher. Its far from perfect (and I promise myself to do better with the stenciling next time) but what do you think? Its a hand sanitizer that I wrapped up. I think every teacher appreciates one of those for their desk.

I'm grateful to Julie at A Less Than Perfect Life of Bliss for her tutorial on how to do this. She is a phenomenal DIY DIVA.

Amazing People on X-Factor

I'm usually an avid follower of all music oriented reality shows because I love  music so much. The one show I've been lax in watching though is X-Factor. I suspect because in my mind I still had the ideas of people swallowing slugs and lying in snake infested boxes. Not my seen.

The first time I realize things had changed was when I came across a You Tube video of this teacher. He absolutely blew me away.


Now I make a point of going on to check out what's happening now and again. Today I came across such fantastic musicians I had to share with you in case you missed them. Im definitely keeping tabs on these to. I have to have their music.

First up is Jahmene Douglas. This little man just improved on my all time favorite song which is in itself perfection. This is a phenomenal singer.


I end this post with this delightful 16 year old who's not only a brilliant vocalist but also an outstanding song writer as you'll hear. Witness greatness.

Striking Miners at Marikana

Business Report

South Africa is in mourning over a terrible tragedy that went on for about two weeks at a local mine (the Marikana mine). Miners have been on strike for better pay for what seems like forever now . It came to light during the strike that many were living in “”abject poverty”, earning approximately $1250p/m. Don’t worry I’m also still trying to figure out what the definition of abject poverty is if this amount falls under that description. 

The horror of this event though was the amount of violence involved and the way people got killed. Police are alleged to have gone on a rampage and people dropped dead or injured everywhere. Before the police opened fire, 10 had been hacked to death by the striking minors themselves and by the time the police were finished that number had increased to 44. 

I can’t imagine the pain and anger of those who lost their loved ones on both sides (miners and police). My heart goes out to them and I pray that God help them through this time of suffering. 

Mining is a cold, heartless business that cares only about the bottom line.  And I’m still asking myself, was this demand for an increase worth even one of those lives? Now political hyenas are using this tragedy to meet their own needs. Pointing fingers at whoever is in opposition, fuelling the fire to meet their own agendas. Not in the least bit concerned with helping resolve things.  It’s all been made into a travesty of ridiculous proportions. God help us.

The other things that really irked me today was reading an article from one of the local newspapers. I wasn’t irritated by the covering of the strike, I just  wish people wouldn't sensationalize unsubstantiated statements".

South Africa remains possibly the most unequal society in the world,- the black majority still faces a life of poverty and toil, if they are lucky enough to even find work; while the still largely white elite, enjoy a life more familiar to the suburbs of Atlanta or Los Angeles, than a country in which over the half the country’s citizens live below the poverty line, without access to basic services. Amandla Pub.

 South Africa is not "possibly the most unequal country in the world”. Does this writer person know how big and unequal the world is. Have they stepped foot just north of our country. Our neighbors both near and far don’t even bother to raise their voices because they know in their position they mean nothing to no one. Have they heard of places like India who are living far below the breadline, etc. I don't condone what has happened by any means but I just wish some of these journalists wouldn’t give the world the impression that you can't get worse than South Africa. When in fact we are a beautiful country that is working on its social ills like any other. That is simply malicious.

Is Culture The Unwelcome Ingredient In Marriage?

Last weekend my family on my husband’s side came over to see the baby. I ended up enjoying myself immensely during that gathering which was something of a surprise to me. Why it should surprise me is that I never really know what to expect from that side of the family because we are so different, background, tradition and so on. Im always full of apprehension.

even the way we (South Africans) entertain is completely different to the way Nigerians do. But i’m happy to say that the prospect of holding these gatherings is not as strenuous as it used to feel because I don’t worry about it so much anymore. Anyway one of my brother in-laws that I feel most comfortable with always seems to get into discussion and debate with me every time we meet.

This time it was about culture and inevitably its role in marriage. I feel very strongly about this issue which I think is understandable because it seems to be that African men use culture as an opportunity to get out of responsibility and excuse incompetence. 

Infact I am persuaded that culture is the reason many marriages get into trouble because what is culture and tradition after all. Some rules set by old men who being bored of sitting in the sun decided to think of ways to enslave the females in their lives to their benefit even more. And then it becomes even worse when you marry into a different nationality because suddenly who you are and your history become completely insignificant incomparison to your husband and his background. 

When my husband and I got married, our counsellor told us to take culture out of the equation and use the Bible as the basis to set standards for behaviour in our marriage. And funny enough the men work very hard at misrepresenting this too in order to get their way. Be that as it may, I maintain that it is better to submit to biblical principles and use these as reference for behaviours in marriage than talk about my culture or your culture that has no basis. 

I know this has turned into a bit of a incomprehensible  tantrum on my side but what roles has culture played in your relationships and how have you handled hick ups if it ever created  any?

Things I Love

I had such fun today, in fact for the last couple of weeks its been good. Good enough to almost feel all is right with the world again and to come by here and say howdy?

"What have you been up to Wendy?" you might ask. 

Today specifically I went shopping and did myself proud finding good deals on winter stuff for everyone except me of course. Even my nanny got shoes and a sweatshirts. That's moms' for you right, nothing new there.

If only someone loved me enough  :-)

The last two weeks I've been in and out of antique and collectable shops  so I'm brimming with ideas, I even ordered two mirrors for the main bedroom which I can't wait to get. I found the most delightful antique dealer that also does great reproductions of 17th to 19th century furniture. We can't all afford the real thing you know, even the reproductions are easily out of reach for most. Check out these Victorian nightstands which i think are fabulosity itself but ridiculously priced at $423 for one by the same store.**sad sigh**

Good news though, I started buying art again as  result of my trips into these obcure little quaint places in Johannesburg. Happiness. 

There are still challenges with my online life though. One, I still don't have a laptop of my own and am stealing hubbies when possible and two, I only got a nanny last week so I'm so busy to catching up on everything else I barely have time to visit to my blog life. But things are looking up, at some point I was a tad bit concerned that I might not get to come back to mine and your blogs which of course would just be tragic.

We are all of 3 months and 4 days today.

Oops, nearly slipped my mind. Here's the latest pic of le bambino **in my head that sounded Italian**. Ain't she just absolutely divine? Even if I'm a little biased. This is the most beautifully calm baby ever, if i'd known this is what exclusive breastfeeding does I'd have made more effort with the others..

Next. I've been busy trying to get the house in order as best as a not working mother can so mostly its turning out to be DIY decor on a diaper budget. Its either that or live in an empty house until I can afford new things again and that would just be enough to have me slit my wrists. So I've been educating myself. In my last posts I mentioned my sewing endeavours. Well that hasn't really gotten anywhere. I've discovered I don't have the patience for all the detail that goes into making clothes. Maybe it will come but I much better prefer the feeling of walking into the house and seeing something I've made in a jiffy. Like my kitchen curtans which I wipped up in two hours this week because my white ones just had no character. I'm quite proud of them but am sure in six months time after i'll have more practice i'll look at them in shame and say to self: what were you doing? _ that's what I said when I took off my other self made ones to replace them with these. By the way this Kathryn White print I got the other day was inspiration for the curtain choice. I love it.

Before
(It had a green
 faded velvet seat).
I was mending broken bits
and sanding by the time I
took this pic *sorry*.

After

I have a chair in my bedroom which was my first upcyle/reupholstery project and I think its time for another and hopefully I'll do better second time around. I picked this chair up at an antique dealer for about $7 because I needed something temporary in the room. I got an off cut fabric from a reuphosterer and went on with my trail and error. I didn't think it was half bad thereafter to be honest I still don't. I'll just cover the upholstery with a boy's room worthy fabric and stick it in my son's room for a desk chair. Believe it or not, covering a straight forward chair with like takes about 30 min. if you have what you need. Does that make you think about your dining table chairs?

I've decided to create a page for my DIY stuff because I've made other things and am in the process of upcycling and repurposing an old bookshelf into 3 separate units (a bookshelf, a linen cupboard and amoire for kitchenware) . I'll stick my detailed instructions on there in case there's another nut out there like yours truly. I find DIY therapeutic and rewarding and can almost guarantee that its the only hobby out there that's an investment with immediate and long term returns.

I can't believe that before the year is over I have reconnected with most of the things I loved. As you know if you follow my blog, things have been tenuous this year and I've been at the precipice of despair a number of times. But glory be to God, here I am, smiling again. I hope life is making you smile too.

Love and kisses from another  DIY Diva!